DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN Rating xbones.gif (534 bytes)xbones.gif (534 bytes)xbones.gif (534 bytes)xbones.gif (534 bytes)xbones.gif (534 bytes) 
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DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish.............................................49
Adventurous.................Slept with everyone
Athletic......................................No tits
Average  looking....................Ugly
Beautiful...........................Pathological liar
Contagious  Smile..................Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure......................On medication
Feminist..........................................Fat
Free  spirit....................................Junkie
Friendship  first..........................Former slut
Fun..........................................Annoying
New-Age..............Body  hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned.............................No BJs
Open-minded.................................Desperate
Outgoing........................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate...............................Sloppy drunk
Professional....................................Bitch
Voluptuous...................................Very Fat
Large  frame.................................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul  mate...............................Stalker

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WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe =  No
4. We  need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead =  You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset =  Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're  certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am  hungry
2. I  am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you =  Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with  you
8. Can I  call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd  like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with  you
11. I don't think those shoes  go with that outfit = I'm gay

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BENEFITS OF BEING A WOMAN

* We got off the Titanic first.
* We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
* We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
* We can cry and get off speeding fines.
* We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
* Taxis stop for us.
* We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
* Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies (you get the point).
* New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
* No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.
* We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
* If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
* We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her butt.
* We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
* If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
* We have the ability to dress ourselves.
* We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
* If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
* There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
* We'll never regret piercing our ears.
* We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
* We'll never discover we've been duped by a Wonderbra.

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