The Bushwacker Launches a new Web Site!
PR News Wire: Sept 24th, 1996. Marina Village, Oakland CA.
In an unprecedented move, the crew of the vessel Bushwacker has redefined the meaning of "Presence on the Net". Bushwacker.net, a non-profit organization, is dedicated to rehabilitating good looking, young, un-wed mothers without children. With the advent of it's own web site, it now has a license to harass, intimidate, and make others feel uneasy. Legally. "This new site will allow me to fully exploit my deficiencies in computer technology and exploit my overwhelming ability to influence other people to do things I want them to do in the way I want them to do them in the time I want them to do them. I think team effort is when a lot of people are all doing what I say to do" said Gary Sherry, current residing captain of the vessel Bushwacker. While this statement is not a reflection of the management, it is truly a reflection of the warped mind of the captain of the Bushwacker. Mr. Sherry was also quick to point out that the new web site was going to be used as a new avenue for Jehovah Witnesses to let their views be known and to organize all events for the local chapter of the Salvation Army.
The webmaster was also a significant contributor to the website. "I can't believe all the hours I've put into this site. Gary literally has me chained to the table" said Jeff Stevenson, webmaster and galley slave of the Bushwacker web site. "I cant get away. Often I've found myself chained to the nav station, working on the site for hours at a time, often waking up the next morning with nothing covering me but a newspaper."
"I'm actually appalled at this site." said Bill Baily, the Navigator of the vessel Bushwacker. "It clearly doesn't have an ounce of taste and I could obviously do a better job of expoiting underprivileged women with my interpretive dances. I would have helped with the site content but I was busy gutting and filleting fish in the Monterey Bay while my lovely wife violently vomited over the side of my boat, the GateCrasher." Kristen complained that Bill was a butcher when it came to preparing the fish. After Bill thrust his carving tool through his latest fishy catch he tossed the carcass into the ocean and exclaimed "Nothing more than Flesh Wound!"
While the response to the new web site has been overwhelmingly positive, there is another person that isn't impressed. "Between Duke Nuke'em 3D, Quake, and that new web site, I never can get a word in edgewise. Gary is married to his computer. I need to get new batteries for my new vibrating flashlight. " said Karen Sherry, wife of Captain Gary Sherry, as she glanced over at Mr. Luke as he licked his weenie.